Honestly, I just wasnt used to having someone worry about me. Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. Its not bad practice to not accept food or drink from strangers, or let your drink out of your sight at a bar, but Id worry about those things much less in Las Vegas than in a local bar. Hello thanks for the comment but I do work I manage over 400 rental properties and Im a professional gardener for a estate. That option smacks of trying to make OP appease her husband and HIS issues and that is icky. Not that I am saying that the Letter Writer should invite her husband. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. When I first moved to the city, my mom told me to never, ever go anywhere after dark. But even if its absolutely true that hes worried about this, NO WAY should OP allow her husbands irrational fear sabotage her job! Finally, I can think of far better places to hold business meetings like Atlanta you have to change planes here anyway, so why not?? Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. Telling your partner that you really need to focus on work for three days should not be a big deal (barring really big exacerbating circumstancesI need to focus on work, so Im skipping your mothers funeral, have fun! would be much more fraught, of course). hahaha, further confirmation of your choice. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. The good part is that I was able to figure out why I had that reaction, which (mostly) made it go away. So this is a relationship question, as Allison and others have said. Living with someone like this for the rest of your life sounds like a real misery. This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. By letting him come chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with work colleagues, with single men, etc. Fun for a night or two a year, too much otherwise. Companies hold meetings in Vegas because its a popular corporate destination, not because theyre plotting to destroy employees marriages.). If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. He needs to understand that what happens in their marriage is between them (and their counselors) and not random strangers, acquaintances and friends. But, at least in that case, she was 100% aware of the power dynamics she signed up for in entering the marriage, unlike our OP. We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? OP, I have a few questions: do you travel overnight to other places for your work? I find her a little insane in terms of worrying. and my husbands main reaction has been I hope you have a great time, and Im glad you are not trying to get me to go too. OPs husbands friends would have a conniption if they heard about my situation! Go. They just find more things to get worried about. Just stayed at a swanky suite in the Venetian with a view of the strip for $140/night. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. Even with the additional information. ! Um, Im going to my cousins house. There are broadly different American subcultures because there are just so many people. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. We are often there and then take the metro across town to the apartment where we stay at midnight. Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. Your husband is being unreasonable. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Thats not out of reluctance to let either one out of their sights, but more because when they have the choice to be together, they will be together, and when its unavoidable, they make do as best they can. If something written is thought to mean the opposite of what it says that is not reading, it is MISreading. And they happen to be adjacent to entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference. PS: My third period class, mostly high-functioning autism cases, is split. This giant conference centers attached to hotels are a dime a dozen in Vegas, tons of flights from everywhere around the country go to Vegas and there are always deals on those flights, it just honestly makes sense to plan conferences and business trips to Vegas, especially if theyre for very large events. What happens in counseling is that the controlling spouse learns new language to gaslight and manipulate their partner with, and things get worse instead of better. Back in the days of Usenet, this was called the lurkers support me in email, which just about sums it up. Right. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. Ive been to one (and my husband was only jealous of the food), and while I dont like Vegas myself, I cant deny that the Venetian knows how to run a conference. Honestly, it feels awful. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. I hope some of it is helpful to you in some way. Theres other stuff to when she was in Vegas last she dressed differently and the way she talked to me. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. Whether he is abusive, controlling, insecure, or driven by unmanageable anxiety we dont know. He chose, and I repeat chose this lifestyle. (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.) So, OPs husband would be fine if she was going on a business trip to Dullsville or Normalville or even New York City, but because shes going to Vegas, specifically, he has an issue. She is bottle fed and was at that time, too, so if your LO is EBF, I'd say add more time. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). If youre not and this is out of the blue, it really sounds like his anxiety is getting the best of him (especially with the note about kidnapping), and he might need more individual help. Nothing to do with trust, we just wouldnt want Vegas tarnished by work! This makes a lot of sense, and I think its a good strategy. Something tells me that his unofficial polling of his friends went something like this: Husband: Oh my god, can you believe the irresponsible way in which my wifes employer is taking them on a conference to Vegas. Untreated anxiety is a meat grinder to relationships. What if he dies? It will improve not only this small piece of your relationship, but his whole life. At that point, the OP has some really solid information far more useful and on point than anything that the internet commentariate can provide her. Just dont! as a 1000 decibel chorus of YES! Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? BUT, I dont actually think thats the most likely explanation for his issues. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. I know this is a long-shot, but anyone else think theres a real chance that this is the employee from this thread: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html? Thank you so much for being the voice of reason here. Also, if youre like me and my Mother, your emotional reactions could spiral his emotions up, until youre making each other worse. I think whatever LV *was* once, its not anymore. You are agood person for trying tobond with your husbands family. FWIW, my husband went on a business trip to Vegas last year when I was pregnant and feeling like crap. (Is he really afraid you will be kidnapped or is he being hyperbolic to try to convince you to stay?). :( Her husband seems like an abuser. Immediate marriage counseling is required and if he wont go, see a counselor yourself. I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. how do you handle being pregnant at work? My mother too. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Im not diagnosing at all. Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. We always have a good laugh when one of my husbands coworkers asks him, You actually let your wife go away without you? It might not end up factoring into your decision when your career and marriage are in the firing line, but its probably useful information for you to have. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. Again, not a concern for either of us. I understand having those anxious thoughts, absolutely, especially if youve been cheated on in the past but if youre at the point of accusing your partner that theyll take some hypothetical opportunity to cheat and are foricng them to defend themselves from a purely hypothetical accusation, there are serious issues. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out. At work? Actually, it would be easy for my husband to find someone who shares these views. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. Alison doesnt usually change letter writers words, so I think itll probably stand as is. And not his fault, it was mine! Yes!! On another note, with the amount of cameras in Vegas, kidnapping or any other untoward act would be fairly difficult if youre staying in populated areas. Does he realize people, like, live in Las Vegas and have perfectly normal lives? FWIW, I am a married woman and had to travel to Vegas many times for work, and had to drive to dozens of locations the entire time. You have a good day and thank you. Unless youre asking permission to uproot your familys life or something it just seems infantilizing. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. Nope. You cannot have a rational discussion with someone who is in an irrational state. You can get really great meals there. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. I agree. You shouldnt be in a position to chose your career (which has very normal career expectations) and your marriage (which seems to have some very not normal expectations). He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. It is ideally set up to host conferences. I went to Vegas for work once. Your company wouldnt put you in harms way, and your husband should trust you enough to no cheat or do something vegasy. And ate a lot of food. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. Good luck to you both. My company had an annual meeting in Vegas a few years ago, that I wasnt important enough to attend, and I was crazy jealous. Any time I read My spouse wont let me . I want to yank that person out of that relationship. There are some really great desert trails out there! You need your job and you need a good career trajectory, even assuming you and your husband stay together and nothing different happens in the future. If I had to plan something like this myself, itd be at the top of my list for a lot of very practical reasons. Theres like 1 hour of down time. It can be; it can also be a culture that has different views on whats important in a relationship. Its so much more tame than it once was. Youd have to make an effort to get kidnapped, I think. But Id want OP to figure out a little more what this behavior of his is really about, and make sure its not his way of trying to control her / torpedo her career, before Id recommend she let him supervise her work trip. Doyou have any tips onbuilding trust, friendship, and respect with your partners family? This is more his problem than yours. I have to comment on this one. the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. Im going to a conference there in November for in-depth training on our electronic medical records system (not exactly a party subject! Im going to start with a description, because people often ignore this anxiety is a horrible physical and mental state to be in. The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. Right. In the end, she chose her career and her child (who was 4 years old then) over her husband, because she eventually realized that this behavior was not normal, and was not a reflection on her. Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. Im in the same boat as the OP. THIS. I hope he can get help and is able to recognize this about himself, since you say hes a great husband otherwise. That leads me to believe his concerns are less altruistic. They were lost and just wanted to get back to the station, happened to see one guy had a gun and started cryingwhich caused all the guys to worriedly come over, try to calm them down, then send a guy to escort them personally to the train station. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . I agree in principle, but I think its easy for certain couples with significant shared responsibilities to fall into the language of permission, and its not always a red flag. If an employee told me that she wasnt able to go, that would result in me having a conversation about expectations and this is not unreasonable. vacation without ever spending a single quarter in a slot machine! But general anxiety on this level is still causing them problems and will in future if he cant get it under control. The thing is he takes work trips more often than I do! Ugh. Wilberforce agrees with meeee!. Of course, Im only going by what was in the letter. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. I had to go to Vegas once a year for a few days at my last job and I hated it. There are few things worse than insisting that your partner go to therapy, and then having them misrepresent the situation and use therapy to validate themselves. Not everything is family friendly (I.E. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. (also +1000 to RabbitRabbit for anxiety manifesting as control theyre not necessarily separate). I really dont recommend this course of action. Counseling perhaps. I agree with your husband .. You really really need to have those shirts washed in that way? P.S., you forgot to shill The Gift of Fear.. They have to want to change. Sorry, that isnt useful. Sometimes, well go together on business trips (one of us taking it as vacation) this isnt something you can do every time, but it also seems to help him tremendously, especially on his own business travel. How entitled can someone be to think that their ex has to justify wanting to break up and have a good cause? In no way am I saying if he does have anxiety its totally okay for him to be a controlling ass not at all. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable.

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