The longing to have him back is an almost tangible aching in my chest. Cassandra December 29, 2020 at 11:32 pm Reply, Family loves them because theyre family you loved him because you choose too and Im so sorry you had to find him I know no matter what people say you still have these guilty thoughts but love no one gives us a handbook on how to handle someone, Zane November 27, 2020 at 11:03 am Reply. i have a terrrible temper and i simply wanted him to sober up. I wish that they had sought a higher level of help for her, more intense psychiatric intervention, how do I come to terms with this? We were the happiest we have been in our lives. My heart keeps breaking for those teenage and preteen girls. Well he put a suicide not on Facebook that I didnt see and showed up to ambulance and police cars all over the street. My mind could barely process what had just happened and my first thought was I need to tell my family and close friends. No one knows how much I hurt and cry. My fiance and I were sitting on the couch watching tv until he suddenly shut the tv off, cuddled me very silently for half an hour, then pulled a gun out from nowhere and shot himself while I was trying to pull it off of his head. You could direct him to the Aliance of Hope website, a very compassionate group of people, all who have lost someone to suicide. The long therapy sessions, trying to continue living. However, after the event, I started to piece together many things, including possible suicide attempts that I couldnt see for what they were. Bruce Caister January 3, 2021 at 9:55 pm Reply. I highly recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ I cant tell you not to feel guilty, but I do want you to hear this: You are not responsible for your husbands death. Your wife sounds like a wonderful person who is missed by many. I gave him my car, cooked meals for him, had money for college. I dont want to keep treading these waters, but I dont know what lies ahead. The last thing I said to him was that I loved him, and I always will. (it sounds absurd to say, but when my grief was fresh, I was taking a psychology course Maslows hierarchy of needs was something that, even just glancing at, made me feel a little better because, in a round about way, it allowed me to understand that, while I can and should help other people, I also needed to help myself. Dayna lucett May 20, 2019 at 3:43 am Reply. As this area degenerates it leads to scarring or hardening (sclerosis) in the region. I am sick to my stomach about losing him and then not even having the chance to help somebody else. After a time he basically raised us. Although we werent compatible together, I never stopped loving and caring about his well being. I just hope that wherever he is, he is happy now, free from his sadness and anxiety. My brother hung himself april 6, 2019. The truth is I feel extremely guilty and at fault for inadvertently influencing my fathers demise. I did not even know she had a gun. My friend was a veteran and my neighbor. My daughter Nikki chose to leave this world sometime between January 2nd and January 6th 2019. I struggle with the question, was this due to his bi-polar issues, or was this due to his current circumstances that he didnt know how to handle? i am shouting this out loud to the world to say that i am sorry and the chumping of my future self stops today! I faithfully took him to his therapy appointments, weekly, for over 12 years! I am immensely grateful for the few websites I have found that talk about suicide grief, as it makes me feel a little less alone with my grief. JR, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and the distressing dreams that have come since. So many strange thoughts. I struggle for answers, but realize they might not come in this life. He was out with his true friends just before. He put a rope over the beam Id been sitting under with him in his back yard. I forgive myself for whatever I was able to do or not do during the time we had together. Not my baby! Houston Primos November 28, 2017 at 6:03 pm Reply, Hey Jill my name is house i am 24 years old as of today. She had a long history of mental illness and addiction that radiated chaos to her children, partner, family, friends and neighbours. She had attempted it 3 other times that I know of when we were together. He was retired Navy, and served for21 years. I think its very judgmental to tell a person what words are acceptable to use when they are being brave enough to put their grief out there. I am committed to making sure the world knows his name and that I go on to finish the dream he started. My wife fulfilled what Gods plans for her were, she is Gods perfection. I am an old sick woman who deserves death.She was a young beautiful girl who had not lived her life.Sorry I just had to say it all. Why would he just go about his life as if everything was fine and just suddenly end it? He and I met many years ago, and we felt so intrigued-we recognized each other and wanted very much to date, but I was very scared and pulled away. Thanks for sharing, makes me feel better! I do things that I know my brother would enjoy doing, para-sailing, for example. I grew up saving my older brother from failed attempts, but it had been over a decade since his last attempt. He was never properly diagnosed for 8 years as he would never follow through with treatment. Anyway, Im just looking to connect with anyone that also lost their significant other- especially after they had a baby. We had made plans to go out and do things in highschool like normal teens. I dont think I will ever enjoy life again. Elizabeth Berger May 27, 2019 at 10:59 pm Reply. James, When he died because we were not married his son and sister decided no funeral, I couldnt say good bye and his sister stole our joint bank card and charged a room at the Hampton Inn while her brother was at a cheap motel leaving him unattended. My mother is devastated- her and her fiance had just broken up two months ago and shes all alone my dad is the one who found my brother and he feels so guilty.. every time I think about what he had to see my throat clenches up and my eyes fill with tears. It got to the point that every time I knocked their door, She would answer it, And we would quietly hug before we went into the room where her bf was. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This is not a suicide or crisis resource. my kids OMG. After he jump and finish his life my sister talk to me about him and make me believe something else She told me that he was never close her and is son he was thinking only about the money and working from earlier in the morning till midnight they never went for vacation they never went out for dinner or lunch or spending a weekend together he was never there for no one of them, he was all ways at work, and if he had a day of he was nervous and didnt like to go out or take his son at the school he also went with others womens and she all ways forgive him, but at last he never bit her or his son he never smoke or drunk or having weeds or narcotics.. never never never he was very smart guy speaking over 5 languages in clouding Chinese that he learn only with the Chinese tourist.!!! It was a sign that he would be okay, and I believe that he will be. tomorrow my daughter who she loved turns two. He will forever be my best friend, my co-coffee addict, my partner. Friends went away, because they couldnt look at him, knowing they did nothing to help. We were planning on getting married. I regret that I am also in the same position and have been a long time but I have tried so many times I have lost count to get recovery, help and support to no avail! So much unnecessary pain. what kind of life is this; a life without color.. We lost our son, and two years later our daughter in law remarried and her husband died exactly like our son 6 weeks after they got married. The pain isnt as strong. She was going to a therapist. I just remember getting out of the car and falling to my knees crying no. Unfortunately for Nikki she did not love herself enough or half as much as she would try to love others, if that makes any sense? Not just from this, but from the years I lived broken and confused. The school counselor told us and Sean that he was faking it for attention. I read somewhere that children of parents who commit suicide are 50/50 in following in their footsteps. My husband has has to learn the hard way thru our sons suicide. It was going to happen despite every intervention. The way my life was changed through his action is something I could never have predicted. Hi there. It is all, admittedly, a work in progress. But even his girlfriend that he lived with had no idea. He dropped out of school. Frank, I want to give my condolences!!! Additionally, other traumatic loss risk factors are associated with suicide, such as feelings of blame, witnessing the death, and finding the body. My heart goes out to especially knowing how much his pain feels. the Rx worked great for his prostate BUT my happy laid back 66 year old surfer (who ran circles around many of his younger friends) started having panic attacks, anxiety and depression. He had 7 weeks without anything at all If my mam hadn't just retired I honestly believe he would have killed himself. It creates a mental confusion, as if my conscious mind can acknowledge the fact that she died, but my subconscious mind is not on the same page, so fresh is the memory of her greeting me after work. I started to shake him to wake up and he was so cold, I saw something on his mouth and I went to grab his head and I screamed wake up wake up and I moved my hand and there was his blood all over it. She had been planning on jumping in front of a truck, but when she saw a police car coming up the ramp she retreated to her car to avoid looking suspicious (she later confided in me). Which I can NEVER belittle her. He dropped me off at my place, said love you long time, partner, blew a kiss, and then drove away. Isabelle Siegel January 25, 2021 at 9:52 am Reply. I think about him all the time, the finality of it all, just so sad. Hes in surgery now. I had to hand the phone to my boyfriend. My ex-husband took his own life a week ago. They informed me that shortly before 1pm, she stepped in front of a westbound freight train 1.5 miles away from home. We found each other when he was 25. Dear Brother, The winter blues have gotten me again. he killed himself. I get through it by reminding myself that I will be with him again one day. I heard the shot, called the police, and did CPR but he died on his way to the hospital. Its a terrible thing to have to live through and no amount of time will ever heal me from this damage that He left inside. She left the guy and as it turns out he was there that night. Dont stop. Now 29 years old with a 7 year old and a 6 month old Im left feeling empty, affraid and Alone. At first I felt guilty feeling like I could have stopped him if I would have just stayed home. Jen I so agree with youdrugs and alcohol do such damage to the happy parts of the brain and the sadness created is unbearable for many people, Anita Pandolfe May 18, 2016 at 8:08 am Reply, Penny Caldwell May 18, 2016 at 12:38 am Reply. I lost weight, hair, my faith, my friends, and my mind. Look after yourself, force yourself to eat when you need to even if your not hungry. Karen February 17, 2017 at 11:44 am Reply. I live with a sense of pride in all that I do -- for my brother, for myself and for my family. My mom said he kept saying Tell me to hold on. Remember to take one moment or one day at a time. If that seems scary, reach out yourself. It has been over 3 years since I lost my baby brother to suicide.

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