And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Eat up! Officer: Soldier. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. How tough? One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. What would As A.J. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Baltimore, said Dad. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Later, I spoke with Mom. Ocean Pearl, I answered. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Learn from the mistakes of others. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Thanks.. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. A drill serGENTLEMEN! She told me she warships them. Anecdotes 1. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Did it work? Its not weak, he replied. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. I was the tallest guy in line. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. He then made his way to my side. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. But I am public affairs, I said. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Gary Toohard. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Decodes 7. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Where are you from? More information More like this I set out a roach bombthey defused it. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Thanks. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. 5. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. 35. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Flight Announcements 4. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. We recommend our users to update the browser. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Air Traffic Control 6. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. What does ARMY mean to you? It helps to keep the pilot cool. It took the poor guy all day. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. A military captain saying I was just thinking Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Only one. The Army will post guards around the building. 8. Even his son turned up. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Im 81 years old, he answered. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. What do hungry Marines eat? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. 46. Why Do We Celebrate It? I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Large mahogany desk.. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Divert your course NOW! Because the Army needed heroes too. A LOOtenant! What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. We were a tough group. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. He had the same plane as yours. Its where we park the helicopters.. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. As A.J. The INFANTry! ! Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Semper Pie The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Theyre U.S. AF! "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Looking for military boot camp jokes? SUB sandwiches! My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. USMC: OHH! The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? 16. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. How old are you? a tenant asked. Return to Humor Index. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Soldier: No, SIR!. 38. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. DeFrigNo! Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies.

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